Carpe diem- one of the greatest paradox ever

It's true. Don't try it. It's stupid and may cost you more than you're willing to give.

The paradox I've realized in Carpe diem way of life and approach is that after a while, people that are living in today, just now, not planning, dreaming...just seizing now... start loosing it. Loosing theirs nows.
And much more, loosing themselves, in all that superficial way of living.

For example, I am quite random person, spontaneous and joyful.
But, what makes me different from most of the salvation/personal philosophy seeking people, is firstly I don't look for deeper cause 'cause I've already recognized it inside me, without any help from outside-you can not seek answers to your big questions in someone else's lives and crap,the answer is always inside you, something like inner voice everyone has, and most of the people fear so much to even listen.

Second thing, I do enjoy in spontaneousness and randomness, chaos, call it whtvr, but I do also enjoy in dreaming and making some kind of deeper plans with higher cause-so making balance between, time period that needs to pass from dreaming to achievement of dream,(so you don't live in planing living, but also don't live without any dream and planning, 'cause at some point you will feel sick off it and become empty and just physical person, without any warnings, you will just wake up and find out your soul is empty, you don't feel a thing and have no dreams and reason to live longer that just that one day, and repeat it over and over until you lose any meaning) and enjoying in every day life, its beauty in small and big things and moments,emotions and random happenings. Finding that balance is crucial, as for living in dreams and not achieved plans and living in pointless everyday nightmare is not the solution without each other balanced and connected like famous butterfly effect- everything that happens in your day or a life time is with reason and it's connected like series of dots just waiting for you to realize their true meaning in some period of time...

But, in this instant world, people like to get everything when they want it,usually instantly like googling this, see in wikipedia that, copy paste this, bla bla etc, and it's done. Same like reading self discovering and development books, horoscopes, tarots,trying to find yourself in religions and every single thing you can imagine...yeah horoscope, tarot or stupid book will help you to find answers that you already posses...paradox of modern person, lost in the world of lots of informations and no limits in bullshits and philosophizing and one of those things is this-my blog, but I will reinvent it for sure.


And as I said on the beginning of the post, losing now by living just in now is the greatest paradox I've discovered in my past months research,'cause by loosing now, you're automatically loosing future , and and by loosing future you're loosing your "tomorrows now" and "future nows",if you understand me?
Complex isn't it...

So that's one of the not happy endings when you start seeking for answers in a bad direction.
But, what about the original reason, why people accept that carpe diem approach and specially in some radical cases (for example some 5-6 people I know almost lost their minds and souls and one even life after living by some self empowerment/development/discovering books( for example, the power of now or the man of future etc)...
Can you believe it? I know I was surprised, 'cause I've hated those books after reading and that amount of bad quality you can find in it. But, even some of my friends that have read it, were obsessed with them and have began their way down after a while in the most terrible kind of way. losing everything, every meaning and purpose and feeling even more lost before the reading...
And, when you realize it and see it on various examples of your friends and people you know or heard of, you can only say wtf!?

And I was asking my self a lot about one question that raises in my mind after all those questions...what is different between us so much, that in me that books and shit, can only born critics and awakening about its wrongness and in some cases final disaster of the process people let them catch into, is sometimes, even drastic and tragedic?

Newest victim as I see it is actor Heath Ledger, found dead on the 22nd Jan.
I was quite shocked, it's not just that we share birthday and sort of physical appearance, it is about the stuff I've found in my research in past week.
Things that he read(will not mention again stupid books), said or done, everything leads to a trace of lost person, "carpe diem victim", everything mentioned above that connects him highly to people I know etc.

but one thing, I've got from his quotes, that is really useful for my continuation of research and finding answers for the things I really can not understand( 'cause I'm alien) is that he was always afraid of new projects, future, planning and stuff...(?)
I screamed "Wow, there is it!"
That difference I was looking for, the great and the smallest difference between people!
And I realize also why I cannot get it and realized it before.'cause I don't feel it. Like, ever. I was never afraid of anything( ok, except sharks:/) and I was/am always brave enough to dream, plan, let go, make a difference and balance, listen to myself and people around me, and never lose faith, never stop believe that everything is going to be amazing, no matter what.
That is what makes me, not liking and falling for books, horoscopes, that whole instant shit...

And it's really amazing feeling you understand something you never could-fear.
And, it's really a paradox that some people don't have it, that bravery and belief in themselves and their dreams, that they are putting everything on a side and ready to lose everything for some stupid advices from the stupid and childish authors of so called books, horoscopes, and stuff. Really sad.

I am striving for harder, better, faster and stronger year in my life. But, not by your rules or any other persons, culture or religion rule.
I have my own rules and standards (like everyone of us have) and I appreciate it the most 'cause that is what I've realized is one of the greatest freedoms every person has-birthright to think and live like they want to and feel like living, makin' choices and gathering that chaotic points and summing up them in the way they feel and want.

As I said lots of time, freedom is my religion, and that's why is my most important value(in my value system of choices I am making every day) and everything good that is going to happen' in my life will happen' 'cause of my freedom attitude and approach,freedom of being me and nobody else.

Renaissaince month of mine...or a year ahead of me?

As a title said this is/was a renaissance month for me...and it is probably some random direction of the whole year ahead of me...maybe
Let go of crap

January 2008 is really the longest month I can remember till now...and it's not 'cause of stupid premises like you spend all your money on gifts and stuff on holidays, it's 'cause of countless events and really big decisions days for me and around me..can't believe it's still going, never ending month really...
And the greatest paradox of many I've realized this month is that even though I am almost perfect in multitasking this month, and have accomplished every single smallest thing I've planned and didn't planned at all( : D), I find hard, really hard to focus and concentrate, while studying, thinking, reflecting, talking...that confusion is so unlike me from previous months...or not? hmhmhm

The truth is I feel bored, and somehow weak for thinking(?!) hahaahah
So ql!
I guess I am in some really important period for reaching new heights of my intensiveness balance philosophy and others I've got in that pseudo-self discovering/rediscovering-balance between calmness and intensiveness kind of travel to and through Romania in September...This is definitely some kind of renaissance for me...I am discovering a lot of things and more importantly getting clear with fundamental stuff in my personality...that's probably why I find difficult to concentrate, 'cause of many important things, researches,conversations, approvals of my theories, bids in stupid everyday life,assumptions, logics, philosophies...too much stuff, and no straight focus, something like theory of chaos I am so proudly supporting in my everyday life, just in this month is working differently,'cause I became too flexible and open for challenging so I am trying to be the person who knows the connection of the series of random, chaotic events, but not really controlling them like usually, just being aware of them...complex ha?
hahaha I know you probably have stopped reading a while ago


Hm, confusion never ends...and I enjoy in it I guess.I've lied. I know I am enjoying it, that's my way of life.

The thing that is so super, is that I've started reading books again, not just faculty books( :/), also some really cool, challenging books, as well as watching same alike films and reading critics of it all...it's cool, just don't have so much time, that's why I don't blog so often as usual,'cause I am using blogging time to read some formal books, not blogs I discovered I like so much in past few months...maybe that new/old behavior and approach to my enrichment/development is a part of that greater renaissance mentioned above? In any case, it is cool.
Also, I've almost stop using internet for almost two weeks, and it wasn't strange at all...freaky I am writing it, freaky I did it without any good reason, internet is freaky sometimes hahah
Well that's all from me, I am tired a bit, and going back to non virtual relax time I was enjoying before this blog accident -or other named- the new post of mine.
Enjoy

2008: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

I am awake. It's 2008.

Last night I've spent with some of my friends and sister on a party in some big expo center whtvr building, on Armand van Helden kind of concert: )

It was ql enough, although I never liked him specially,not first time I was on his performance neither the second time , and third time is not lucky in this case...
As I remember, his first performance in Belgrade was one of my first going out on that kind of events in life. It was ql, as I remember my friends from my first high school were there, Andjela, Sandra, Laura, Yoxi and some other ppl I can't remember the names of in this moment...haha yeah ..me- always forgetting the names and time...

But one moment was really special last night!

Few days ago I was reflecting about the whole year, now behind me.
I've heard once that when you're remembering about the whole year on the end of it, if you don't cry from happiness or sadness or both- it was a stupid worthless year in your life.
Well in my case it was the "both" thing.
I was thinking,crying, trying to remember of all the beautiful things that happened to me so randomly and spontaneously in 2007...
2007 was definitely the best year in my 21 year old life!

Even though I had so many bad things happening without any good reason, even I've almost died few months ago twice, even I failed big two times, even some ppl that were close to me left, maybe forever...it's still the best year in my life!

In words that are representing the best year 2007. and my experience it's:
hospitals and purple hair, fighting, XPRO, conferences, traveling, partying, tequila- votka -rakija trinity:), letting go, Ada lake, pointless missions and actions, fountain, Nataliya, Alex, Ivan, Marko, Suzana, Vanja ...Nina, blog,facilitating, Wicker park, developing, enjoying, airports, beer fest, Bucharest, Split, Vienna, Berlin, Freestyler, Andrija, Koka iz potoka, Vip, recruitment,elections, unforgettable, new, passion, destination unknown, say it right, Neruda,deep dish, flames to dust, unexpected fun, "dodirni me", "aspirin","crni smoking aj lajk d vej ju toking", fresh,jump through the window, trains and stations, looser:), "odzuji",and then we kiss, mondo bongo, brodarac, burence, hotel slavija and many many more...
When I think about the each word and meaning that has, ...can't stop smiling!

Best year...? Why?

'Cause I've learned a lot, experienced a lot of new things, love new ppl and let go to everything without any boundaries, rediscover my true self...

I've learned how to be free
How to enjoy,
develop,
learn,
fight,
forgive,
be spontaneous,
see the best in people...
care,
make a difference,
live my passions...
value my life values,
vision I have,
all the talents I posses.
enjoy in travels all around,
appreciate all the pointless missions and small moments of joy,
laugh,
party,
celebrate my uniqueness in this world
and most of all : I've discovered or rediscovered my life's purpose,
why I am here and what will I do.

And in those reflection moments I've recognized my trip to Romania as the most valuable experience this year, crucial period or crossroad when and where I've decided about lots of things I am still livin' everyday...and as my last year motto was destination unknown, I've decided that this year, 2008. motto will be Harder, Better,Faster,Stronger- the tittle of daft punk song,one of my favorites.
Why? well that's just representing me and the road I've took and continuing, in at least next few years or maybe whole life ahead of me...

And guess which song was playing on midnight introducing me and all the people in Expo center to 2008, as the last song of 2007. and the first one of 2008....? : )

hahaha I couldn't believe!

I was amazed.So happy. Maybe it's a sign, or coincidence or whtvr...but still that moment was so special and I will remember it till I die, like many other magical moments from this already passed year behind me...

And as 2007. was called by me destination unknown 'cause of all the blind, heart made decisions I've made and all the spontaneous travels and adventures I've took...

2008. in my life is going to be all about
my dreams,
continuing with path that my heart orders me,
continuing with this wonderful year in my life,
traveling,
enjoying,
challenging,
intensiveness,
developing,
real living by my standards of living,
partying,
understanding,
looking for answers,
letting go and living my life's purpose and fighting...
just living harder better faster stronger!


I am awake. It's the best feeling on the whole world!