Sobber confessions-down, Drunk confessions-yeeee!the one for me!

Wtf fuck is confession?! Boring shit, we need sometimes...? Probably. Boring 100%, at least to me...
The thing is, I like to drink on parties, and I also like to go out often, so I drink a lot often. Ha ha

Last night I've got hit by the car. I've literally got hit, and in few moments I thought I will die, and that was ok, and that feeling of calmness when I was faced to that kind of stupid and dangerous situation made me think afterwards.
Maybe I was too wasted, so thats why, maybe I just...fuck, hate confessions, thats why I never confess anything:D

note to myself: it's not your fault, thats what happens when two drunk ppl meet, specially in situations when one of them is driving and the other one is wasted and walking during hard thinking about confessions and decisions he should make.


And , yeah, I still love tequila, so if you think I will like never drink again or smth...not...most pf the ppl in the world are doing things that are more bad for them and others than drinking or smoking and get in stupid-funny, yet dangerous situations
I guess I am just lucky enough not to die, or lucky enough to live my dream life so I don't get so hysteric about losing it like most of the ppl are, when facing death moments....

'Cause thats what it is. I am happy. Complete. Whatever. Wherever. About confessions...

One guy that use to be my friend said once in one of his rare moments of being truthful and honest, lets say in one of his confessions to me, that he's afraid of being hurt and alone, also of letting ppl in, being attached to them in any way...
Its not that I dont understand that...'cause i do.
But he's not the only person in my life that is like that...

question to self: what those ppl keep finding in me? I am warm, lovable person/ I am always expressing how I feel. What do they find in me? Or those ppl are like some kind of emotional vampires-they keep "feeding" themselves with mines or other ppl similar to me- emotions, that they know they can't express or even feel?

Don't you wanna blame him,and at the same time understand him so well?
I know I did and still do...
yeah also about that guy, I really believe that we were friends, but I guess its easy to fool me hehe, specially when you're really good in fooling yourself about so many things.

But, lets go back to my accident ...You know that belief when you're near death, and your whole life flashes before your eyes? Well, it didn't happened to me. But, the ql question I asked myself later in the night( I couldn't fall a sleep logically) is if it did happened, what images I would see? What is my life till now all about?
Really good question right?: )

I will let you know what is the answer when I find out: D
But, one important thing happened last night. I've decided two things: to forgive him for not being a friend to me, and to start with my old hobbies all over again.

So, I decided to let him go. No meter he already did, with or without my decision hehe, its just good for me. Stop expecting that ppl will care like I do. That everybody could be my best friends, and I only have to choose.
Well , I guess that changed.
In that moment, I could die, and nobody was there, even the driver that is probably such a shity person, that he drive away with his stupid shity car, with no care if I am alive or not.
No meter I was totally ok, in some point I thought it was so ql that hi might have some kind of guilt, and maybe he was later quite fucked up( or maybe still) 'cause of thing he done.
But I will forgive him too.
I've come to conclusion that accident is just a kind of message to me, I needed.
How cruel the world is sometimes, how bad and stupid ppl can be, and how stupid I am sometimes.
And it broke my heart. Should I say, luckily thats the only thing that got hurt last night?
hm
The thing that hurts me the most, was that no meter how many friends and ppl that cares for you, you have around, sometimes, usually in the most difficult and challenging moments, you're totally alone. If I died last night, hours or days will go bye until most of the ppl I care and care for me would find out I'm not there anymore.
It's so stupid, right? I would never find out a lot of things, I would never live all those wonderful things that is in my future, never find out so much things unsaid to me, never live, just that is enough.
So, my confession is that I am a bad and weird person, 'cause in that moment, I didn't care. I was calm and complete, just thinking how strange thing is happening to me.
And that's it.
An obscure moment in my life, who knows how much more important than it seems. Although I can't complain, by all said, I am one lucky bustard hehe.